Funny Thoughts with Iris-Style Answers! *wink*

Well, this post is more like a just-for-fun post. I mean, school starts in a mere THREE days! *sigh* After this, I'll be attempting to finish reading "Crime and Punishment". *blush* I'm still on page 155.

1. When people say "I'm so tired it'd not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place? It would be funny because someone somewhere would find it funny, if not you. Example: You may have a monster of a migraine because the night before, you drank so much beer that you were more than drunk and idiotic things were popping out of your mouth like when you asked your nieghbor to marry you. (Additional Facts: your neighbor's an overwieght man. You are usually a straight GUY when you haven't been injesting 6 cans of beer.)
2. Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it? What do you mean we never use it? *sniff* I use it!!
3. Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? :) This is an easy one! Nope! Coffins have DEATHTIME guarantees because it guarantees during the duration of your death - which is forever. Which totally rocks! I wish I had a deathtime AND lifetime guarantee on Earphones for my CD player. :\ They keep on breaking and I keep having to purchase new ones!
4. Can you make a candle out of your earwax? This truly depends on who you ask. If you ask an ogre, I'd say yes. If you asked a human... hm... You may have to wait a while. Human ears have a low wax capacity so we'll just have to see! After several decades, you should have enough, stick a wick in the middle and light away! Of course, the odor emitting from your body-made candle may be offensive - but you should be proud!
5. Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? Hmm... technically yes. :) That's why I try not to wait.
6. If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get your money back (granted you live)? lol... I think so. Hmm... but I don't think it would do much good. :\ Most (or even all) of the money you'd get back would be put towards hospital fees. I mean just in case you actually LIVE from a plan crash doesn't mean you'll escape unharmed!
7. Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? *rubs chin* Probably because he had a good imagination and a large amount of creative-ness (probably got it from his parents - who would name their child 'Yankee Doodle'?!) and thought the feather in his hat resembled an elbow-shaped macaroni due to the fact it drooped a whole lot.
8. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze those dangly things here and drink what comes out"? A REALLY thirsty person. LOL... you'd find that when time calls for desparate measures, you'd do pretty much anything. I mean, it isn't particularly different than human moms and their babies and breast feeding. It's just that you'd be sucking "dangly things" attached to a LARGE black and white animal with horns. :D
9. If electricity comes from elections, does morality come from morons? Nope! But you're close. I'd think that molality comes from morons. Why? Well, it took me a while to figure out who to do molality and morons usually take me a while to get as well. (But I like the word "moron". It's kind of cute!)
10. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? I don't think they'd care. I remember a time when I hated to read (yes, there was a time that I hated to read) when I was a REALLY small kid and I liked Alphabet soup all the same. Alphabet soup just has that effect on people! LOL... it's be funny if I ate 'P-O-O'.
11. Can you get cornered in a round room? Yep! You technically COULD. You could be in this section of the circle and cut off from escape by the curved wall behind you and the blood-thirsty people in front of you. I mean, you can get cornered in an alley and there are only walls and that's straight with no corners. Why not get cornered in a circular room?
12. Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? Actually, they do! You just can't see them because they're so fine! Like I can never see my arm hairs! Maybe THEY'RE all equipped with split ends. *looks at arm and holds up to light* Hmm... I hope not. That's a whole lot of split ends.
13. If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Hehe... well who has to know they're atheist? :P
14. Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in "mother-in-law", they come out to Woman Hitler? THAT would be scary! lol... Imagine a mother-in-law with a mini rectangular moustache and thin hair plastered on the head? lol... I have an uncle that looks like Hitler - except with obvious Asian characteristics. Hm... well, if it's like that, I don't think I'd want a mother-in-law that sentenced 13 million innocents to death. A small part of me thinks it'll be cool to know someone that diabolical though...
15. Isn't it funny how the word "politics" is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? :) A prime example of why I hate government and economics. They're run by numerous bloodsucking creatures!
16. Why are chopstics one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with? *slightly offended* I find that chopsticks are easy to use! Humph... if you can't figure out how to use chopsticks, you have the thinking capacity of an ant!
17. Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? LOL... well, blue is a calming and peaceful color so I would think that you'd want to be calm while relieving yourself. Plus it's my favorite color. :) I have no complaints against the color of toilet cleaning products.
18. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Well, everything is flavored and all the other ingredients in the ice cream overpower the natural color of the vanilla. There's only a little amount of vanilla added into the mixture of fats and calories - it's a really GOOD mixture of fat and calories, I must say. :P I mean have you SEEN the Food Channel? Only a TEENY amount of vanilla can be taken out of a vanilla bean! Oi! So sad... *shakes head*
19. Why do companies offer you "free gifts"? Since when has a gift NOT been free? A gift has not been free when it's "offered" to you. Because you first have to buy something in order to get it and when I buy something in order to get a "free gift", I'm still buying it. So! It's still not free. *grumbles* Stupid cheapskates...
20. You know the expression "Don't quit your day job"? Well, what do you say to people that work nights? "Don't quit your night job"! :)